Things America Will Never Say (A RusAme Songfic)
by Hadantaru
Summary: When Russia and America finally go on their first date, America can't help but be nervous. Will the country he has been in love with for years ever love him back? And can he summon the right words to tell the cold country how he feels? Based on the song from Avril Lavigne, Things I'll Never Say using everyone's favorite Hetalia Characters.


**I'm tugging at my hair  
I'm pulling at my clothes  
I'm trying to keep my cool  
I know it shows  
I'm staring at my feet  
My cheeks are turning red  
I'm searching for the words inside my head**

I can feel my cheeks turning red as I tug at my hair and pull at my clothes. The stupid cowlick that I never had an issue with before seemed much too large and unattractive now and my favorite bomber jacket was over a tight white shirt and a pair of skinny jeans causing me to look fat. Shrugging off the jacket, I see my wimpy looking arms with far too many scars from the attacks on my country like Pearl Harbor and 9/11. Putting the jacket back on, I try and banish the vibrant blush appearing under my bright blue eyes hidden by glasses. I hear my doorbell ring and drag myself from the mirror to answer the door.

On the other side of that door is a god that makes me feel even worse about my outfit choice and untamed hair. I duck down my head and start fidgeting while that cursed blush covers my face once again.

"Hello Alfred." A deep voice crashes over me at the greeting. I glance up at my… gulp… boyfriend… before ducking again while searching for an appropriate response.

"H-hello, Ivan." I meekly let out. I know immediately that I said the wrong thing; otherwise I wouldn't feel so awkward, right? I mean all I want is to be perfect for my lover. I had spent fifty years secretly wishing to voice my desire to be his before I was asked by the god in front of me only a week ago. This was our first date and all I could see was his perfect body, the one worth every tense year I waited to have.

**(Cause) I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
Cause I know you're worth it  
You're worth it  
Yeah**

If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I wanna blow you... away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight  
If I could say what I want to see  
I want to see you go down  
On one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess, I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say

I could remember everything I wanted to say to him over those lonely fifty years. The times I had to leave the room in the middle of a meeting because his focus on the speaker made me want to jump him and make him focus that smoldering gaze on me. I wanted to blow my Russia, my Ivan, away and drag him into my bed every night: to cuddle, to talk, and to do… other stuff. I could imagine us together in a perfect world where my only fear was when he would go down on one knee and ask me for my hand. Where we could have a big white wedding with sunflowers and Ivan could marry me. I decided I was wishing my life away on things that would never happen then. Now, I am simply wasting my life on things I could never say.

**It don't do me any good  
It's just a waste of time  
What use is it to you  
What's on my mind  
If it ain't coming out  
We're not going anywhere  
So why can't I just tell you that I care**

Focusing back on my god that would never marry me, I listen and ignore every thought on my mind. What use is it to him that I want to kiss him and hold his hand? I could never tell him that I care for him; there is no way he loves me after all.

**(Cause) I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
Cause I know you're worth it  
You're worth it  
Yeah**

If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I wanna blow you... away  
Be with you every night  
Am I squeezing you too tight  
If I could say what I want to see  
I want to see you go down  
On one knee  
Marry me today  
Guess, I'm wishing my life away  
With these things I'll never say

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~One year later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**What's wrong with my tongue  
These words keep slipping away  
I stutter, I stumble  
Like I've got nothing to say**

**(Cause) I'm feeling nervous  
Trying to be so perfect  
Cause I know you're worth it  
You're worth it  
Yeah**

What is wrong with me? Every time I try to tell my boyfriend, no my soul mate, I love him the words slip away. I end up stuttering out sentences that completely ruin what mood there was. I think Ivan doesn't know I love him and thinks I am using him after all this time. **I guess I'm wishing my life away with these things I'll never say.**

**If I could say what I want to say, I'd say I want to blow you away, be with you every night. Am I squeezing you too tight? If I could say what I want to see, I want to see you go down on one knee. Marry me today.**

**Guess, I'm wishing my life away**

**With these things I'll never say**

**These things I'll never say**


End file.
